It Is Life....

Everyone has a list of dream...List of Hope and Love....Wishes...We all dream of something as we were just little...i remembered watching cartoons like power rangers and powerpuffgirls and i dream that I'm one of the character itself...cute right...I'm not ashamed of admitting it..i guess everyone dream about it too...=) I have a list of things that i want to do with someone special in my life..Living my life to the fullest makes me realise the time that i has for myself and that is why i have this list...i was inspired with the stories that i read when i was in Form4&5..about a little boy at the edge of his life....he was sick and could not be cured,although he was handicapped but he has a strong heart for a little boy...he knew he was dying and he makes a will for his family...and his love will always be remembered by his family especially his brother who never seems to bother about him... i wish i could read this shorts stories again but i lost it somewhere..=(

I was young back then and i have a list of Wishes..List of things that i wish my lover would do for me....People used to say to me,if you plan it,those plan wont happen... I guess after those five years only gives heart ache...instead of happiness..Maybe i just imagine too much....

YEAR 2007....
I HAVE A LIST OF OF THINGS THAT I WISH I COULD DO WITH MY LOVER..

1.to be with HIM
2.A romantic Valentine's Day(SURPRISES-HE must surprise me)
3.CNY(Watch the Fireworks together)
4.Watching the sky full of stars...
5.Spent every moment with HIM
6.Seeing HIM cook..
7.Watching HIM Read newspaper..
8.MY BIRTHDAY(Something special)
9.Sport's day(Come and support me)
10.Pray together
11.Candle Light Dinner
12.HIS Birthday
13.HE picks me up from school
14.Cheer me up
15.Cuddle me to sleep


Well,This is it.....this is the list that I've hoping for but its all
OVER.....



Surprisingly,i had all of them without asking for it.... I did not hope for any of it to happen but it just happen....usually i will end up being disappointed if none of the above list happen...but this year and last year was a big change for me... I never ask more from him but there it goes naturally without even thinking about it...

THE LIST OF THE DAY.....THAT HAS HAPPEN AND I WILL ALWAYS
REMEMBER IT..........(R&J)


1.He is with me
2.Valentine's day(A kiss,hugs and a handbag..he used his own pay...i never expect something like that from him...XD)
3.CNY(It makes me think how much i wish he could celebrate with me..)
4.Watching the sky full of stars...(12/12/09) with him....and (13/03/10) i will never forget that time...
5.Spent every moment with HIM(we spent most of our time together,all the time...at school,if he got activities,i stayed with him and he stayed with me...^^)
6.Seeing HIM cook..(one day)
7.Watching HIM Read newspaper..(I see him read books and it makes me smile and laugh seeing his face expressions...=) )
8.MY BIRTHDAY(Something special) (he hides my present in my school bag and came to my house by surprise..)
9.Sport's day(Come and support me)( He took good care of me,brought me the first breakfast,waffle..^^)
10.Pray together(one day)
11.Candle Light Dinner(What i got is even better..Our first year anniversary,we sat on this table...only the two of us..Its awkward for the first time but we manage because it was our first date at a place like that(175 cafe..)thanks to hannah and wendy fo ditching me and him there....XD)
12.HIS Birthday.....=)
13.HE picks me up from school(his with me everyday at school...LOL and he would wait till my ride is there then he go back home...SWEET..^^)
14.Cheer me up(he bully me got la....huhu....and he like to give me surprise...^^)
15.Cuddle me to sleep(FUTURE)XDD

He fulfill it well without me telling him about my list...its as if he knew and honestly after i have been disappointed,i never think of those list again until i found this old list and i realise that Rush has done more than what the list has listed...And i was totally surprise that he would do such things....he keeps everything to himself and i never know that he would do such things for me....

Being in relationship with him makes me happy and im comfortable with him...i have cherish my time with him without returning any favor...The only thing that i think about is him and its not about gifts that matters but how you love someone and how you want to be treated back in this love game...I always remind myself that is to learn to love myself before loving othes...If you ask people or the person you love this question..."Do You LOVE me..?" you might as well ask your self are you ready for this next relationship..you cant expect people to give you love but you did not give them what they deserve after loving you.... this is what i always remind myself..and it change my life alot without having doubts in my mind...and learn to go by the flow..no matter what happen..it is life.....

What's in my mind...?

My life is full of happiness and sadness...eventually it all comes to the same ending that is what we learn from it...

Sometimes when your down,look around you,don't think only for yourself...but think about what would happen if you were put into their situation...

It makes me wonder why is it so easy for some people to say something that could hurt people...Do they feel hurt when someone did that to them....? is that how life is...??

I put myself into his situation,and its really hard to tell how his like and when i'm with him,i realise that i should not think of myself but also think of others.....

The only thing that i think of is how much time do i have....?

only to see and to hold someone close to me... The more you love,your fear increase,the fear of losing someone....everyone do not want to have that ending... But for me,i just go along,see how thing goes in my life....i struggle a lot and it was difficult..its not only in my relationship but everything...

That's normal for a life of a teenager...

Now..things just change...i have a new life and i feel glad and happy..every time i look at all my pictures,my memories with him..i find it worth it and he has taught me so much things about life... I still have fear on relationship but it wouldn't be fair if i didn't give him the chance... so what's next...?

How can i be so forgetful?? he makes me happy all the time and i forgot the most important thing in life..... time is passing by and whenever i think of it,it makes me cry...i cry because i was happy but at the same time,i was afraid to lose him as time goes by...its hard to explain which situation im in...

Every minutes i have with him is everything,some people say it would be silly or lame to write this blog but i feel better posting out my blog and have supports from my friends... Every second counts and i never know what would happen and i hate to see him go...i cant even take him off my head... i do admit,i always talk about him to my friends but the one thing remain a secret...

BEING WITH HIM IS MY BIGGEST LESSONS OF MY LIFE....
WITHOUT GOD,GIVING HIM TO ME...
I WOULD BE NOTHING...

Time after time counts....its hard for me to accept the fact that life must go on no matter what...... i will always remember every words he say to me with every tears going down my cheeks...... And i will always remember every moment i have with him without regrets...For the best and the worst....

13.03.2010

As you all know i had a rough time being in relationship for the past five years eventually it went to an end....how it end,i wasn't sure myself....i do not want to point finger at anyone...everyone has their faults,everybody make mistakes and its not wrong to make the next step after what we have been through...

After all the hard times,i finally meet someone...LOL...
typical issue...so yeah...hahahaha...SOMEONE SPECIAL....

sometime when i think back,how in the world i could end up with him....?? we quarrel all the time...most of the time,he would pick a fight with me even if i just keep quiet in class....at times i would just scream back at him for disturbing me yet he still continue....= =

in lower six,i was a loner....sit alone behind the class.....quiet....SHY...yes...i'm actually SHY....haha...

so funny......Fame offers me "samboi" and my face expression is like...O.o NO!
lol...I LOOK AT HIM AS IF HE WANTS TO EAT ME.... XD then slowly i just got use to the surrounding and it turns out to be okey...^^

Well in lower six,cant really see our relationship grow.....its just funny... i use to hate him so much that i would just hit him all the time...well his not the only one i hit once people irritates me....^^



In 2009,it became obvious somehow....all i remember is Rush and i just became so close to each other...at first i didnt have any feelings on him and so is he... His just a nice guy who helps people and comfort them in a way... he would only listen without intrupting them or giving advice... he has his own way...no one understand who and what rush is really about...no one knows....

Like what i said earlier on...i had my hard times and since i was in school,i feel lonely and somehow people call me desperate and "PLAYGIRL"...hush words** T.T that is what happen when your so heart broken,especially in relationship....Man...i got into so much trouble....

Rush and i just started to text as friends and slowly when i get to know him,i just feel as if i want to know more about him...then slowly we text each othe with sweet names but was not in relationship....i know aaron this people look through his phone....CURIOUS i must say but they didnt say anything until Rush keep on approaching me and suddenly talk to me nicely and call me by my name... usually he would only call me "Oii" haha... so everyone began to suspect something from me and Rush but we keep on denied..

it went on till we finally holding hands under the table..(WAS CAUGHT BY DAVID,FAME AND I DONT REMEMBER WHO..) and slowly the news spread and yet rush and me still denied it...so kecian all my friends...XD


Then when Rush starts to get involve in Hockey then he ask me to watch him play during his match,somehow in my heart i really want to go and i made it out of school and watch his match... "my reason to the school,im the photografer for the Square and School mag" jahat kan...^^ but i did my job also what...XD i still contribute my part for the school...hehe..

NASI GORENG ACCIDENT.....EVERYBODY kNOWS IT NOW....XDD

During sports day,Rush brought me breakfast,he didnt want me to get hungry before my event.....then jealousy~ look at his face in this video...XD






Then slowly i get busy with my prefectorial board stuff and he was always there..with the reason "AZRA was a prefect" so he just got to stay... he took good care of me...my food..drinks and all my needs..im happy to be with him...=)

This year....we barely message or talk at the phone and we barely meet...once a month...imagine that....i struggle so much within this time,i think alot and i always wonder what he would be doing and seriously i had so much doubt that i cried and everybody seems to look at Rush as the bad guy...i admit..i did too...=( i was so depress and i got to have someone to talk to..well you know who you are...Thank you for pulling me through...=) No news from him for month and i almost give up on him...even to myself..

There's some case where i just could not believe him after what has happen and i went to see him for the truth and....

He just held me around his arm and i feel bad yet i was still angry about it... after listen to his explanation and everything,i feel so much better,at least we wont end up to a fight pointing finger at each other... he gave me something that i would never expected from him.. i was speechless....seriously i was....he barely spent time on me and there it goes...a handbag...i almost cried because i never thought that he would do such things and everything that he has done for me was his FIRST TIME and i feel glad to be be His first one.....

i notice one thing about Rush....but only i know.....and no one knows what Rush is up to and his attitude....well this one year is worth it....

now my relationship reaches one year....im glad to be where i am now and i feel comfortable with him...eventhough we didn't have much communication going but we still stick together... i do hope that it would last but..if things didnt go as plan... lets just see how it goes....i will be living life my own way,just follow the flow...no matter what happen in the end,just smile n never regret... i will always remember all the time i had with him... =)

Expressing myself

Today my friend has give a suprise visit...
Well i feel better meeting them...
man i was relieve...

we were talking about how things was back at the old days..
(LOL,sound so old)

Three years of friendship.......XDD to be honest,i feel happier
being in st thom compared to my previous school...
Good times...Good times...^^

I talk about how Rush and i began to be in relationship..
my friends only notice it after we had our relationship
for the past three month...
Whenever i think of it,it makes me laugh and touch..

I just miss school so much and the older i get.so much things to
think about....i became worried and clueless....all that is left for me to do is to
talk to anyone i feel comfortable with and tell them what i feel...
But i wont go beyond the boulder which trobles my friend.....

I miss him...and on the 13th would be our 1 year aniversary......
Next step would be..........*BLANK BLANK BLANK...XDD

This is all that i could think about for now... ^^

well i went to take my result today...
but before that i was shaking..
i was scared and nervous...

*FLASHBACK
i remember those time where i have to take my SPM result,
everyone would just gather around with their buddies..
sharing all the good news..

well i wasn't in it,all my friends had good result,some dont but
it was okey..my result was average,but i could just get a better
result if i had tried harder...man..those times..

NOW...
Its was God will to put me into form 6.. within those one year..
it was rough journey for me but eventually i manage to go through
it..with all the anger and tears but its okey..

talking about my flashback..i was very nervous about my STPM
result..i cried to hannah..so many things happen today..seriously...
i was afraid..since my SPM result was giving me a hard time..
having all of those feeling again will very much make me miserable..

BUT..
everything turn out to be okey......
its tough but it will be just fine...
i am very satisfied and grateful with what i get...
it was better than my trial exam..and hopefully i will
be accepted to any uni that offers my interest...



PS;TALKING about result..
I have friends which was unfortunate on their exam...
SIGH.. i felt sorry for them but its not the end of the world
when things does not go beyond their expectation..

i know whats on their mind and what are they feeling right now,
that's the reason why i try to avoid talking about our result..
im very bad at talking,i really don't know what is the right to
say...

man..it's TOUGH..!! i was just trying to be nice,giving encouragement
but someONE taking it the wrong way...THEN WHAT AM I SUPPOSE
TO TALK ABOUT..i have gone through what they feel but yala...urghh...
i was trying to make ~~~ feel better but instead.....sigh...

so its not really my fault right to actually try to comfort ~~~...
at least i've tried....TT

Boys and their EGO..BIG TIME...grrrrr.....

I feel better now...expressing all out...lalala~
it's okey..^^
no hard feelings ya..